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Joke of the Day

"My wife gets really annoyed when I make sexual requests. The other night, I asked her if we could try the praying mantis' position and she tore my head off"

"I'm starting a company that will sell electronic storage devices and almonds. I'm calling it ""CDs Nuts"""

"Look at this fly rubbing his hands together, what is he up to?"

"When I say I'm as sober as a judge I mean Paula Abdul."

"Harry was blind. His friends bought him a silver-coated nutmeg grater. When they asked how he liked it, he said it was the most violent story he'd ever read."

"why does everyone scream when they see you? because your ugly!"

"Swine Flu is back? Just when you think something is gone forever it comes back and makes people sick.. Just like Dennis Rodman"

"Why don't blind people bungee jump? It scares the shit out of the dogs"

"Rage against the machine is what I do when my candy bar gets stuck and won't drop down."

"Cows... What do you call a cow with no legs? Ground beef... What do you call a cow with one leg? Lean beef... What do you call a cow with two legs? A Texan..."