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Joke of the Day

"Today in an elevator, I got off on my floor, hugged the person next to me & said, ""You seem like a alotta fun. We should keep in touch.""."

"It must be tough for a woman going through her OKCupid messages finding a good one... It's like finding a needle in a hey-stack."

"Subway kid: Would you like your sandwich toasted? Me: No, I'm toasted enough for both us. In fact I'm kind of hoping it can drive me home."

"Pay me a complement. Wife: I look like a fat, ugly, wrinkly, pig, be a dear and pay me a complement Husband: Your eyesight's damn near perfect. Edit:Format"

"Why do infants wake up crying as if they are the ones who have to go out and work!?"

"How many Reddit mods does it take to change a lightbulb? A substantial amount, you fucking morons."

"What do you get when you set a dog's tail on fire? Hopefully arrested you sick fuck... also a Dash-hound"

"When telling your dog he's adopted, make sure to mention that you will never love him as much as the dogs you gave birth to."

"What do you call a table with dots all over it? The periodic table!"

"Have you been on /r/bigdickproblems ? Of course you haven't."