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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes I wish I was an octopus so I could hit 8 colleagues at once."

"Opera is what happens when someone stabs you and instead of dying, you sing."

"I've been to multiple yard and garage sales, but have never walked away with a plot of land or a place to store my vehicles."

"A Thursday night ""Just got Paroled!"" party down the street! Wooooo! HELL YEAH!! I'm gunna wear my best knife for this one y'all!"

"I watch Aladdin and root for Jafar."

"[my hot coworker Brenda & I at gates of Hell] BRENDA: we finally closed the gate, what should we seal it with? ME: a kiss? B: don't do that"

"My 82 year old grandmother is still healthy and active. She doesn't even need glasses. She drinks her whiskey straight from the bottle."

"Me: Objection! The plaintiff is a bologna sandwich! Judge: What? M: I plead insanity. J: You're a juror. Me: Can I go? J: No. M: OBJECTION!"

"Doctor Doctor I feel like a sheep. That's baaaaaaaaaad!"

"Why is it difficult to break up with a Japanese girlfriend? Because you have to drop the bomb twice for her to get the message."