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Joke of the Day

"If Pingu started a metal band... It would be called Slipnoot"

"I'm not ugly. I could marry anyone I pleased! But that's the problem - you don't please anyone."

"You can't put a price on slippery lemons."

"I think my cat is using me for my money I mean the sex is great, but I just don't feel an emotional connection."

"What do you call a guy with a 2 inch penis? Justin."

"How many calories do you get from eating pussy? It depends on which way she wipes her ass."

"Why do the French not pronounce ""h"" at the beginning of words? *with a French accent* Because they hate it."

"I take offense to this subreddit... ...and use it to keep the animals out."

"What's the difference between my porn stash and Call of Duty? One is full of screaming 10 year old boys and the other is Call of Duty."

"[doc pulls baby out of mom and immediately slides it under his shirt] oh no NOW I'M PREGNANT haha no [pulls it out] just kidding here you go"