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Joke of the Day

"A super moon is just like a regular moon except Lois Lane doesn't recognize it when it's wearing horn rimmed glasses"

"What do you call a beast made entirely from egg whites? A Meringue-u-tang!!! Note: I know it's spelled Orangutan. :P"

"Did you hear the story of the Rabbi who lifted his synagogue into the air with a bunch of balloons? He brew up."

"It's one of those days where you'll be lucky not to see me on the news."

"[Heart: Tell her her eyes are windows into eternity, filled with fire... Brain: Beacons, stars in a vast darkness] Mouth: HEY GREAT EYEBALLS"

"Facebook needs to add ""still banging my ex"" as a relationship status option"

"Why do you give children who swallowed poison some milk? To make them happy before they die."

"""Settle down. You can play Whac-a-Mole when the man with the neck tattoo uses up his tokens."" Chuck E Cheese is such a special place."

"FACT: Had kids for one reason; to send them to the basement for paper towels when I run out of them in the kitchen. It's scary down there."

"Sex is like a gas station..!! Sometime you get full service... Sometimes you gotta ask for service and sometimes you have to be happy with self service.!"