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Joke of the Day

"Tim Cook bravely announces he's gay. The world pats his hand like a kindly grandmother. ""We know, dear."""

"Why did a seal go to the bar? .... Because he didn't want to go clubbing."

"A woman saying ""I'm not mad at you"" is like a dentist saying ""You won't feel a thing."""

"What do you call a sleepwalking nun. A Roman-Catholic"

"Why do we paint Easter eggs? Because it's easier than trying to wallpaper them!"

"When my friends come over they know to ask ""may I sit here"" and then we look at my dog to see if it's OK"

"My friend got into the final of the Suit Olympics. He's worried he's gonna tie, but I told him not to worry if he wins or not."

"Maybe the raccoons threw away something very important. Did you ever think about that you big jerk."

"""Oh look, it's sleeping!"" ""Oh look, it's sleeping!"" ""Oh look, it's sleeping!"" -every trip to the zoo, ever"

"What types of trees never get Christmas presents? Knotty Pines."