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Joke of the Day

"*camera pans to a pair of sneakers hanging over a power line* *Sean Connery takes a long drag of his cigarette* ""It was a... shoeishide"""

"[on phone] mom I need u to pick me up from the restaurant right now *whispers* no the date is going terrible, she pronounced it 'pokey-man'"

"Police were called to a day care Toddler was resisting a rest."

"what do you call a 145 million year old swine carcass? Jurassic Pork Ill show^myself^out"

"If it talks like a duck, walks like a duck and quacks like a duck, then you gotta ask yourself Why the fuck is there a duck in my room?"

"What do you call three Pokemon nerds having a circle jerk. Dugtrio"

"Why did the feminist refuse a back rub? Too massagynistic"

"Kristen Stewart seems like one of those missing milk carton kids who was raised by their kidnapper."

"I was interviewed today by a Far East Sultan to be a eunuch. He needs a eunuch to guard his harem of 365 women. What an ideal career!! Sadly, The Sultan told me I wasn't cut out for the job."

"I have invented a kitchen cleaner that kills 0.1% of bacteria. I plan to sell the secret to Dettol."