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Joke of the Day

"The best part of being incompetent to cook and feed myself is that when I travel I am positive I didn't leave the oven on."

"My father was in the holocaust, he fell of a guard tower!"

"I am learning from my mistake now. My son taught me maths today"

"A man walks into a bar... OUCH"

"What does a polish bride get on her wedding night that is long and hard? a new last name"

"I never got why people liked sitting home without pants so much until I was without a job for a week. Now I don't get why people have jobs."

"What do you call titty fucking underwater? The breast stroke"

"You gotta give it up to whoever invented mistletoe at Christmas, all they did was hang up a weed, but were like, ""now ye must kiss me."""

"So I'm making a TV series about a plane hijacking.. We've just shot the pilot."

"What is the difference between dog shit and black people? One eventually turns white and stops stinking."