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Joke of the Day

"Speed dating, but instead of talking, you just exchange phones for 3 minutes and try to glean as much information from them as you can."

"I once walked in on my brother having sex with my girlfriend. Needless to say I deflated her and threw her in the trash. #awkwardbreakup"

"Biology Joke When a plant is sad, what do other plants do? Photosympathize"

"Police Officer Police officer: ""Can you identify yourself, sir?"" Driver pulls out his mirror and says: ""Yes, it's me."""

"Stevie Wonder... I don't see what his problem is!"

"The next time you are in a group and everyone is on their phones except you, go ahead and treat yourself to a fart. You earned it!"

"Turns out my date had a lot of pizzazz, not pizzas. I've never been more disappointed."

"PATIENT: Since I got this new job my feet are killing me. DR DOG: What's your job? PATIENT: Mailman DR DOG: *chases him out of room barking*"

"Why do Mexicans never cross the border in groups of three? Because the signs all say ""No TRESpassing"""

"Ugh your paleontologist friend is coming? He's so boring! Don't worry, I have a plan to keep him distracted *pulls out seven layer dip*"