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Joke of the Day

"A girl phoned me the other day and said...""Come on over, there's nobody home."" I went over. Nobody was home."

"A life-long politician and an orange are on stage in front of millions of Americans. What do they do? They start insulting each other."

"Why do hippies like to swim way offshore? Cause it's far out, man"

"My daughter turns 3 today. Due to our tight budget, we're not telling her."

"Hey Joe, Do you pray before every meal? No Mark, my wife is a good cook."

"Someday I wish to experience the moment of joy that seems to only exist in Old Navy commercials."

"Give a dog a bone and he'll be like, ""Oh wow, I love these, thanks"" Teach a dog to bone and he'll be like, ""dude, I got this"""

"Every time someone with a clown avi follows me I add another night light."

"What did the pedophile from Ireland say? Irish I was a little boy."

"Utensils Guy 1: ""Hey, did you hear that Joe got knifed the other day?"" Guy 2: ""That's forked up!"" Guy 1: *glares at Guy 2* Guy 2: ""What? Too spoon?*"