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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear about the crack addict that got trapped in a pyramid? He had to sarcophagi for the drug money"

"Marriage. Because dodging your own family wasn't enough."

"Dating your Ex again is like buying your clothes back from Goodwill. There's a reason you got rid of it in the first place."

"Accountant after reading nursery rhymes to his young child: ""No son. When Little Bo Peep lost her sheep that wouldn't be tax deductible but I like your thinking""."

"Zombies never bite hipsters. They taste fine. We just don't want to spend eternity hearing them say they became undead before it was cool."

"What's ten inches long, has a bright purple tip, and made my wife cry when I made her eat it after jamming it up her ass? Her stillbirth."

"When life gave them lemons, the people at countrytime still decided to make artificial bullshit instead of actual lemonade."

"My kitten is probably the most playful creature on the planet, but it's less cute when you realize it's all just bird murder practice."

"After 12 years in prison ..... After 12 years in prison, a man finally breaks out. When he gets home, filthy and exhausted, his wife says, ""Where have you been? You escaped eight hours ago!"""

"I've just wrecked myself. I wish I'd checked myself beforehand."