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Joke of the Day

"I just trained my dog how to fetch a beer. Now this may not sound all that impressive, but he gets them from my neighbour's fridge."

"I'm not always a gentleman in the bedroom, but I will hold the door for you so you can leave afterwards."

"I've had a slight accident with your sleigh Father Christmas! Father Christmas: Oh no! That sleigh was in mint condition! That's all right....now it's a mint with a hole!"

"Why couldn't Mozart find his teacher? Because his teacher was Haydn. (Stolen from laffy taffy)"

"My Deaf girlfriend told me..... My Deaf girlfriend told me to fuck off. That's not a good Sign"

"How many cuckolds does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None. Somebody else does the screwing for 'em."

"Diarrhea is too hard to spell so I call it crapplesauce"

"Tell me your best ""When is a --- not a ---?"" joke I'll start you off: When is a door not a door? > When it's ajar! When are eyes not eyes? > When the wind makes them water!"

"Give a man a fish and he'll go to McDonald's instead. Teach a man to fish and nope, still McDonald's"

"2016 is almost coming to an end Surprise MFs. I have a leap second added to me."