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Joke of the Day

"Everything is made from matter... That's why everything matters."

"ME: *trying to fit in* I ALSO don't fly. PENGUINS: *shuffling about while trying to keep their distance* ZOOKEEPER: Sir, get out of the pen."

"In elementary I got all the chicks because my box of crayons had a built-in sharpener. Been on a dry spell ever since. Just me & my crayons."

"Threesome So, I finally talked my wife into having a threesome... So she said the only condition is that she pick the other girl... So I told her no... I will pick both of them.."

"That awkward moment when you are introduced to someone and you have no idea if that person is their child or their spouse."

"Two peanuts walk out of a bar one was assaulted( a salted)......peanut"

"Three guys walk into a bar The fourth one ducked."

"Judas: Still on for Friday? ""Jesus: Friday?"" ""Judas: Yeah, the Last Supper."" ""Jesus: The what?"" ""Judas: Supper. Normal supper with the fellas."""

"Two Condoms are walking past a gay bar... ... one turns to the other and says, ""Wanna go get shit faced?"""

"Which came first: the chicken or the egg? The rooster"