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Joke of the Day

"Time I spend listening to music 54 seconds. Time I spend untangling headphones 17 minutes"

"If your parents, your boss, and three of your friends invite you to a party at a clinic its a trap"

"Hillary Clinton is gonna be our first f president Oops, someone deleted the emale"

"I wasn't sure why the doctor prescribed LSD for my constipation, until I saw a dragon and sh*t myself."

"Why was the landlord seeing a psychiatrist? He had an apartment complex."

"My wife remains very racist in her approach to laundry."

"The funniest part about The Bachelor is the participants actually think being married is a prize."

"There are two types of countries in the world.... Those who use the metric system, and those who have a successful space program."

"Based on the musicians who thanked him at the Grammys, I gotta say: I'm not crazy for God's taste in music."

"I used to sleepwalk all the time, but now I mix in a little sleepweightlifting a few times a week."