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Joke of the Day

"After my vasectomy I thought I couldn't get my wife pregenant Apparently it just changes the color of the baby"

"Guess who I bumped into today at the opticians? Everyone."

"A guy came to me at the bar the other day and said ""Hey bartender, I don't have much money so give me a cheap shot!"" . . I told him ""your mom is ugly and your breathe stinks"""

"When people tell me I'm a nerd for being good at math... ...I simply tell them that I'll add a knife to my hand, divide all their blood vessels, and subtract them from this world."

"knock knock player 1: whos there player 2: hola player 1: hola who player 2: holawhosn"

"wife: dont say anythin stupid on the way out me: i wont [shakes priest's hand after lovely wedding ceremony] me: so are you god's boyfriend?"

"I'm insensitive I don't get the sense of words."

"ME: Excuse me...Where's the rowing boat equipment? EMPLOYEE: Keep going down there, Oar Aisle. ME: EMPLOYEE: ME: EMPLOYEE: ME: Or you'll what?"

"For people with a gluten allergy, it's kind of like kryptonite, except Superman didn't find a way to mention it in every conversation."

"Becoming a vegetarian Is a big missed steak."