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Joke of the Day

"Girls: I hangout with guys, theres less drama. Me: I hangout by myself. Theres no drama & I dont have to wear pants."

"I like my woman like i like my coffee... Hot, wet, and all over my crotch"

"settle down twitter crush. i didn't ask your last name to google you. i wanted to see how it sounded with the names i've picked for our kids"

"If God had meant for today to be perfect, he wouldn't have invented tomorrow."

"Jealously is something you're good at when you suck at everything else."

"You drink WAY too much, and you have questionable morals . . . me talking to myself in the mirror before going out at night ."

"So, I fell and broke my Matchbox Twenty CD . . . Tomorrow, I have an appointment with the RobThomatrist."

"Original Content. That is all."

"LIKE if you don't ring the doorbell... You just text or call to say you're outside."

"Two peanuts were walking down the street. One was assalted."