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Joke of the Day

"George H.W. Bush, age 90, went skydiving yesterday. I'm 45 & I strained my hamstring getting out of my car."

"Grandma: You've left all your crusts Mary. When I was your age I ate every one. Mary: Do you still like crusts Grandma? Grandma: Yes I do. Mary: Well you can have mine."

"What do Asians do when they have an erection? They vote"

"on fire The chief of the fire department walks into the room where the other firemen wait and says: ""Take it easy boys, the Tax Office is on fire."""

"My dad is so cheap that when he dies he is going to walk towards the light and turn it off.."

"My friend told me to sing Wonderwall I said maybe."

"Today I am the C.E.O of the ""I Don't Give A Sh*t"" Committee........ We Are Hiring"

"Have you heard about that new movie Constipation? Oh wait - it hasn't come out yet! *ba dum tss*"

"If you open a door for me, I will lick you. Sometimes it's awkward."

"What does a turtle and a pedophile have in common? They both want to get there before the hare does."