31985

Joke of the Day

"Shoe repair guy: so what happened? [cut to me trying to flush myself into the Ministry of Magic from my toilet] Me: I stepped in a..puddle"

"Just used my CVS receipt to build a really cool fort for the kids."

"Gonna hand out job applications to teenage trick-or-treaters who ring my doorbell."

"What did the elephant say to the naked man? ""How do you breathe through something that small?!"""

"How to find the perfect wife: Play monopoly with her. if she chooses the iron, she's the one."

"why do ghosts like elevators? it lifts their spirits"

"Just had too much fun with a woman who lost her son named ""Marco"" in the supermarket just now."

"Michael Bay has just recently announced the title of his next gritty reboot of a kids TV show: Ed, Edd, and Edgy"

"Got in a fight about the Treaty of Versailles. I said the German fines were too punitive; the guy at Starbucks said buy something or leave."

"I'm a secondhand veggietarian. I eat cows. Cows eat grass. It's science. Merica."