31651

Joke of the Day

"My girlfriend told me to give her 9 inches and make it hurt. [NSFW] So I fucked her 3 times and punched her in the nose"

"What's blue and white and sits up a tree? A fridge wearing a denim jacket."

"We need a woman president in the oval office. Because the white house cook is retiring next year."

"Comedian In A Fight!! What does a comedian use in a fight? A Punch Line"

"If at first you don't succeed: try management."

"Why was Thor disappointed by his birthday party? Because it was more Loki than he wanted."

"A guy goes to the store to buy condoms, ""Do you want a bag?"" the cashier asks, ""No"" the guy says, ""she's not that ugly"""

"Just bought Colgate mouthwash 'cause it builds stronger gums and someday my gums might have to lift a car off a baby."

"Mom: ""Why are you always on your phone? What's so great about the internet?"" Me: It doesn't constantly ask me questions"

"I have a crowbar in my garage. Worst customers, they shit everywhere."