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Joke of the Day

"""Kids are picking on me, Mom"" I'll teach you how to fight, son. ""Yes!"" [Mom spreads rumors about son and ignores him for 3 days]"

"Will the new Apple car have windows? No. And it won't have a jack either."

"one time I saw a guy playing with a yoyo walk into a street sign. I laughed so hard that it changed me. It changed everything."

"My mom learning how to use twitter is like the raptors figuring out how to open doors in Jurassic Park."

"I've been told I'm condescending. (That means I talk down to people.)"

"Stevie Wonder was in a horrendous car accident the other week. His life flashed before his ears."

"What did the cannibal do when he dumped his girlfriend? He wiped"

"Why did the bear faint upon seeing his friend eat a donut? He thought his friend was eating his own claw. In reality he was just eating a bear claw donut. D'oh!"

"I wanted to get into the right mood for my essay about american patriotism.. so i shouted at my essay ""You Essay"", ""You Essay"", ""YOU ESSAY"""

"How does Moses make his coffee? Hebrews it!"