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Joke of the Day

"What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves! Just kidding. I don't know what he got. He hasn't opened it yet."

"If a tomato gets put in a coma for being gay is it a fruit or a vegetable? ...its a hate crime"

"Don't think of me as 40. Think of me as two 20 yr olds."

"All work and no play makes Jack an unsuccessful stage performer."

"Facebook: A place for liars and braggers to unite."

"Whenever I'm feeling I'm getting soft I log in to Facebook to rekindle my hate for humanity."

"You know that feeling when you've had a long day at work, you drive home and nothing is going your way? It's probably because you're driving in the wrong lane."

"Why do smarter people last longer when having sex? Because it takes twice as long to fuck their brains out"

"What's the difference between a dirty bus stop & a lobster with breast implants.. One's a crusty bus station and the other's a busty crustacean."

"I'm like a mouse. If u give a mouse a cookie hes gonna want some milk. If u gimme a beer im gonna want some nachos. Plus we both like cheese"