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Joke of the Day

"TIFU by reading a TIFU I forgot they're always horrible. Tl;dr: TIFU = bad"

"What sea creature is the most self-centered? A shellfish"

"Last night I got drunk and lonely, so I tried the peanut butter with my dog trick... ...still tasted like dog cock."

"I brought my cannibal friend over to a party... He sucked the life right out of it."

"The NSA A government organization that actually listens to you!"

"Babies love to shake things, but hate to be shaken. It's like, pick a side, babies."

"Did ya hear about the cannibal lion with a huge ego? He had to swallow his pride"

"I understand feminism My wife gets to decide what she cooks for me!"

"Why have the French lost the war? They have to eat a dessert after each meal."

"[holding my aunts stupid idiot baby] what sound does a cow make ""moo!"" good now a dog ""woof woof!"" 2 for 2. now...WHERES THAT MISSING PLANE"