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Joke of the Day

"Why is a raven like a writing desk? Because there is a ""b"" in both and an 'n' in neither."

"What did the officials say whenever systematic punishment was banned? There's no punchline."

"What does a guy want more than anything in the world? It doesn't matter. He has to ask his wife first."

"My drive was long today; I hit every red light. The traffic signals were a pain as well."

"What do we want? SOME GOOD DECISIONS! When do we want them? BEFORE LAST NIGHT!"

"What are the four food groups? For bachelors: Fast Frozen Junk and Spoiled. For drinkers: Malt Hops Barley and Yeast. For heavies: Caffeine Fat Sugar Chocolate."

"Wife leaves: Ok. Wifi leaves: NOOOOOOOOOO. I can change!"

"Her: You know when you're craving a cheeseburger but you order a salad instead... Me: (wiping ketchup off my face with my sleeve) No."

"I think my friend is a vampire I stabbed him in the heart with a wooden stake and he died"

"Why are there so few Mexican athletes in the Olympics? Because most of them who can run, jump or swim are already in the United States."