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Joke of the Day

"Do you think all these parents who named their daughters after flowers really gave much thought to how much teenage boys like to pluck?"

"When I see a man with long fingernails, my first thought is wizard My second thought is virgin wizard"

"My Penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records Then the librarian told me to take it out"

"There's plenty more fish in the sea ""Actually we've 5% the tuna we once had. 10% of sharks. 5% of cod"" I'm bad at consoling dumped friends"

"Apparently, the words ""I'd still hit it"" are words best kept to yourself at a funeral"

"I once shook hands with Michael J Fox He seemed pretty offended, but in my defense, the room was cold."

"What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? Guurrhggrgrh"

"""hello pretty lady."" [i slide down the bar] ""what's your name?"" i say as i casually toss a peanut in my eye."

"What do you call a book club that has been stuck on the same book for thousands of years? [X-post from /r/SacrilegiousHumor] Church"

"Then my wife left me, I became an alcoholic and started making meth in my basement but anyway take one candy bar each kids. Happy Halloween."