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Joke of the Day

"I dumped my boyfriend with a lazy eye. Turns out he was seeing chicks on the side."

"My ex bf called me today. I answered by screaming ""HOW ARE YOU STILL ALIVE?!?!"" and hung up. Should make him wonder a lil bit."

"Why should a midget not attempt to slaughter a cow? The steaks are just too high."

"[I am wearing a wedding gown at work] BOSS: Do you have a minute to chat in my office? ME: [lifting veil] I do"

"Bad day? Listen to 90s rap. Problem solved. Unmotivated? Listen to 90s rap. Problem solved. Don't like rap? Listen to 90s rap Problem solved"

"I think cheese gets sweaty because it's hard sitting around being delicious."

"What's better than winning the WNBA Championship? Taking a piss without sitting down."

"After a thorough diagnosis, my doctor couldn't figure out the cause of my uncontrolled flatulence... When I asked him what the problem was, he told me ""Your gas is as good as mine."""

"What did the big chimney say to the smaller chimney? You're too young to be smoking!"

"If Trump replaces Obama... Orange really will be the new black."