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Joke of the Day

"I have only one resolution. To rediscover the difference between wants and needs. May I have all I need and want all I have........ Happy New Year!"

"An Irish man walks out of a bar."

"If Edward Snowden worked at a grocery market.. *Loudspeaker* Paging Mr. Edward Snowden, Mr. Ed Snowden Constitutional breech on isle 1 & 4 Will Mr. Snowden please inform the public accordingly"

"What's colorless and smells sweet? Chloroform SHHHH.."

"If you plan a surprise party for me, I'll freak out that you mixed friends from all the separate facets of my life, and start killing people"

"Always pay your taxes with a smile I tried, but the IRS still wanted cash."

"Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? A. Samson. He brought the house down."

"What's the cheapest form of birth control? Casey Anthony"

"I like my women like I like my viruses. Safely contained on my laptop."

"Some people say ""If you can't beat them, join them"". I say ""If you can't beat them, beat them"", because they will be expecting you to join them, so you will have the element of surprise."