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Joke of the Day

"The amount of times I've had to say no to the Adobe Updater has totally prepared me to be a parent."

"Of course I've slept in the wet spot My ex drooled like a Komodo dragon"

"Why was the broom late for school? It over-swept"

"MY HOT WIFE: want to go down on me? [three minutes later] *riding my wife down the water slide* YEAHHHH"

"Despite its name, Gatorade is pretty much fatal to alligators. I'm not allowed to volunteer at the zoo anymore."

"Last night I got a handjob from a blind girl She said, ""You've got the biggest dick I've ever put my hands on."" I said, ""nah, you're just pulling my leg."""

"[holds up bread] ""This is my body"" [holds up wine] ""this is my blood"" [holds up puppy] ""and this is my new pet"" [apostles go fricken nuts]"

"People are talking about how culture is too pc nowadays... But everyone I know has a Mac"

"A boy asks for a pink ping pong ball... a boy comes downstairs and asks for a pink ping pong ball. ""don't you start that again."" says the mom."

"Lance Armstrong I hear Lance Armstrong was doping to win the Tour de France again this year."