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Joke of the Day

"IamA personal executive assistant answering questions on behalf of former Toronto mayor, Rob Ford, AMA! Whoops, wrong *sub.* [The Payoff](http://wompwompwomp.com/)"

"What's Forrest Gump's password? 1forrest1."

"Some days you're the Titanic, some days you're the iceberg, and some days you're the guy who jumped off and hit a propeller on the way down."

"95% of American office workers are watching the World Cup right now. Overall productivity level remains steady."

"Five second rule? Pfft. What's the point of having an immune system if you're not going to use it?"

"People ask me why I don't like spoons. Idk why really. They just seem pointless to me."

"Girl if you though you saw the whole bakery, you ain't seen muffin yet"

"So I asked my North Korean frien how is life was going. He said ""can't complain"""

"Why couldn't Miss Piggy count to 100? Because when she got to 69, there was a frog in her throat."

"What do you call a German outkast? Hey, ja!"