30293

Joke of the Day

"What's worse then biting into an apple and finding half a worm.... Getting a bus from the plane to the terminal"

"""I just threw up in my mouth a little."" - Cows"

"These boots. Were made. For Walken."

"ever since i put all my eggs in one basket i have received unsolicited egg advice, you dont know my life, you dont know what im all about"

"Ironically I'm watching an exercise infomercial because I'm too lazy to get the remote."

"If being sexy is a crime then I'm not committing one."

"Standing in the liquor store, trying to decide if tonight's dose of self-loathing and regret should have a screw-top or a cork."

"I hate it when I remove myself from around people to fart in peace and they follow me right after I have release a big one."

"What do you get when you cross NWA and Young Money? Dr. Drake."

"Pope should record an album to remake Vatican's image. The problem is picking which robe to wear when making a video w/ Lady Gaga"