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Joke of the Day

"What do the female reindeer do when they want some fun? They go into town and blow a few bucks."

"If I pay $30 for a haunted house I better die"

"Perfect Joke: Two peanuts were walking down the street... ...one was assaulted."

"ME:[just inaugurated as president] Where's the nuke button ADVISOR: why ME:[crumpling photo of my 5th grade bully] I just wanna see it"

"I stole some vegetables today I was out doing the grocery shopping earlier when I realised I really needed a piss. So I took a leek."

"One Direction broke up Everything was just going south."

"When asked, 'Are you Twittering?' if I'm looking at my phone I now reply, 'No. I am not Twittering,' in a sort of flat monotone. And tweet."

"The ""PB&HJ;"" looked better on the menu. They really do have everything at the Cheesecake Factory."

"Whats the most deserted place on fathers day? The visitation ward."

"How is eating pussy like smoking a cigarette? As you get closer to the butt, the flavor gets stronger."