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Joke of the Day

"If I pay $30 for a haunted house I better die"

"Ancient Chinese proverb: man who go to bed with itchy bottom, wake up with smelly finger."

"I cried when my dad chopped up onions onions was a good dog :c"

"Not all my tweets are true. For example if ""sex"" and ""lack"" are not in the same tweet then the polygraph will probably run out of ink."

"Why did the noodles go to rehab? To get yakisoba."

"And if you can't be with the one you love, eat because you're bored."

"Doctor how do I stop my nose from running?! Stick your foot out and trip it up!"

"What Do You Call An Arab Dinosaur? Dino-mite."

"1. Cover elevator floor with glue. 2. Put ring on floor. 3. Wait for someone to kneel and get stuck. 4. ""Yes, yes, a thousand times yes!"""

"What do hipster jokes and hipsters have in common? None of them are original."