29962
Joke of the Day
"If god didn't like sex, He wouldn't make us scream His name when it's really hot."
Next Joke
"I can't trust my heart or my brain to tell me who the next President will be But I can trust my Vegas bookie and will be talking to him in October"
"Traveling with a four year old boy is like transferring a serial killer between prisons."
"How are women and tornadoes alike? They are both loud as fuck when they come, they take the house when they leave."
"Just locked eyes with a four year old boy while I violently choked on a piece of popcorn. He didn't look away. He would have watched me die."
"I'll vote for whichever presidential candidate promises to end the banter before two people announce who won an Emmy."
"Just found out my daughter's super power is repeating what I've said about others as soon as she meets them."
"*judge bangs gavel on desk* *judge cooks gavel breakfast in the morning* *judge tell gavel he loves her* *judge marries gavel*"
"I had a dream where children were allowed to pick their parents, and I woke up thinking ""This is not The Gates' residence."""
"The most active user on reddit: [deleted]. Seriously this guy is everywhere."