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Joke of the Day

"I'll vote for whichever presidential candidate promises to end the banter before two people announce who won an Emmy."

"""1st day at school"" Mother: ""Did you enjoy your first day at school?"" . Girl: ""First day? Do you mean I have to go back tomorrow?"

"What does Batman like with his whiskey? (Gravely voice) ""Just ice."""

"Judge: For the crimes you have committed you will go to prison for 10 years Me: That's a long sentence! Judge: Ok - ""you get 10 years"""

"If I had a nickel for every time I thought of you I'd start thinking about you."

"I think High School birth control classes should just be forcing the students to watch videos of me taking my 3 kids to the grocery store"

"You can fart openly as long as you're always holding a whoopee cushion."

"He: is this love or what? She: What."

"How an Illuminati living in the arctic is called? An Igloominati"

"Why was the baseball player arrested? He was involved in a hit-and-run."