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Joke of the Day

"What element can you find in almost any shoe store? Heelium! I'll see myself out now..."

"A friend asked me what's my best American impression... ""I don't want to go to the doctor because it's too expensive."""

"Robin: ""Let me drive the Batmobile!"" Batman: ""Never. I'd rather let Superman."" *wall breaks down* Superman: ""OMG really??"" Batman: ""No."""

"I once knew a women who started walking five miles a day when she turned 60... . Well, she's 99 now and we have no idea where she is."

"WIFE: Shouldn't you be at work? ME: I took care of it. BOSS: [to the cardboard cutout of Shaq with my face glued on it] Nice work today."

"its all fun and games till someone gets hurt... then its hilarious"

"A woman steps into a time machine She goes back 10 minutes so she can add less sugar."

"What do you call water that hasn't been changed? Still, water."

"Q: Mom why do you always stand by the window when I practice for my singing lessons? A: I don't want the neighbours to think I'm employing corporal punishment dear."

"Someone flipped me off so I threw my wallet at him and said ""I love you."" He didn't even die. Killing people with kindness is hard."