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Joke of the Day

"Life is like a silent fart Pfft."

"What's green and flies over Germany ? Snazis. This insanely corny joke brought to you by my Dad, circa 1990. May he rest in peace!"

"My handwriting has slowly morphed from cheerleader to serial killer to elephant with a paint brush."

"I asked a librarian if there are any books on discrimination against people in wheelchairs. She replied ""Yes, it's up the stairs, on the top shelf to the left."""

"A job interview is like a first date. You dress up, pretend to be someone else and spend the time wondering if you're going to get screwed."

"Five. Five dollar. Five dollar (and thirty five cents sales tax) footlong."

"Can't please Americans For years Americans have complained to the Government that their voices weren't being heard. Now they are freaking the fuck out over the NSA."

"Drove my son to school only to realize there was a 2 hour late start. I should have dressed him warmer. He looked cold, sitting on the curb."

"The zookeeper said he'd tell me where the bathroom is located if I can say the alphabet. ""A B C E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z"" He asks: ""where's the D?"" ""It's out for Harambe"""

"If Donald Trump becomes president, he'll increase taxes, he'll increase borders... And the population of Canada."