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Joke of the Day

"""We should definitely let dolphins go into space instead of monkeys"" said one scientist obviously not a dolphin dressed up as a scientist"

"My dad just called because he was thinking of me & loves me. And THAT'S why I never danced on a pole. Well, that and I got too dizzy."

"What does a triangular acorn say when it grows up? Geometry."

"I bought my wife a pair of slippers and a dildo for Christmas... If she doesn't like the slippers she can go fuck herself. - From The Sopranos"

"Just met a guy.Omg he was so fit! Just met a guy.Omg he was so fit. Handsome even. Never will I met a guy like him again. Caring. Emotional. Nice. And his name was the first letter of each sentence"

"TIFU by mocking a reddit mod [deleted]"

"A boy goes to the drug store to buy some condoms. 'Do you want a bag?', the cashier asks him 'No', the boy says, 'she isn't *that* ugly'"

"There's no crying in baseball! But there is in cryball and you're gonna make it big, kid! Are you smiling? There's no smiling in cryball!"

"Smartest joke I have I went to a bed and breakfast the other day that said that they served breakfast at any time. So I ordered some scrambled eggs during the Neolithic"

"My colleague was fired for stealing printer cartridges He was caught magenta handed."