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Joke of the Day

"What does a mermaid wear to math class An algae-bra I'm not sorry"

"she had the body of Serena Williams and the penis of Serena Williams"

"The greatest trick the devil ever played was making you feel productive when you're really just fucking around."

"What type of pants do Japanese people wear? Nihon-jeans (Nihon-jin)"

"I don't see the point of strip clubs. All they do is frustrate you and take all your money. I have a wife for that."

"""Will I ever be able to race my horse again"" the owner asked the vet. The vet replied ""You certainly will and you'll probably beat her too!"""

"Definition of Divorce: The future tense of marriage."

"It was so hot in Florida on New Years... ...the ball in Times Square wasn't the only one that dropped."

"She texted me, ""your adorable."" I replied, ""No, YOU'RE adorable."" Now she's stalking me and all I did was point out her typo."

"If I had a jet pack I would look AWESOME dying within the first 2 minutes of having a jet pack."