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Joke of the Day

" she's just a small time girl workin at Jurassic Woooorld opened a raptor cage now they're everywhere "

"If I had to eat a person I guess I would prefer a vegetarian. I like irony and prefer grass fed beef."

"What does a hairstylist call their resume? A tresume."

"ok boss, i duck taped the hostage's mouth shut ""you mean duct taped, right?"" um... *cuts to hostage with live mallard stuffed in his mouth*"

"How many OU (University of Oklahoma) coaches does it take to change a light bulb? None. They aren't about to change a bulb when flipping a switch has worked for 15 years."

"What's the difference between toilet paper and toast? Toast is brown on both sides."

"How do you find a blind man on a nude beach? It ain't hard...."

"Traditional marriage was between a boy's parents and a girl's parents. And maybe some cattle."

"[texting] me: I just left and I already miss you wife *typing response* me: (can you read that to the dog for me)"

"What is red and hangs around trees? A baby hit by a snow blower"