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Joke of the Day

"Nostalgic grandpa A grandfather to his grandson: when i was you age id grab $5 and get groceries for the entire week. The grandson: We can't do that now grandpa..they have cameras installed."

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"It's amazing how kids can't think of a thing to do all day long but you put them to bed at 11 pm & they're busy working on a cure for cancer"
"You know who the most popular guy at a nudist colony is? The one who can walk with 2 cups of coffee and a dozen donuts."
"Two Jewish businessmen meet in the street. ""Oy Abraham I'm sorry to hear about that fire at your warehouse"". ""Ssh!"" hisses the other ""It's not till next week""."
"Why does Beyonce sing ""To the left, to the left""? Because black people have no rights."
"When I am president, it will be legal to grab the waists of slow and distracted pedestrians on cell phones and race them along."
"What is the poo from a fish with no dad called? bassturd"
"""Mr. President, you have some Updog in east Syria."" ""What's Updog?"" ""[unfurls projector screen] Updog is a military terrorist organizati"
"Babe, some guy told me today that if I have sex with him... ... he'll give me these earrings. What a jerk!"
"If you're American when you go into the bathroom, and American when you come out of the bathroom, what are you while you're in the bathroom? European"