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Joke of the Day

"The pet groomer didn't appreciate the 10 dollar bill I slid across the table to give my dog the ""happy ending""."

"I've decided to get help with my drug habit. I've managed to convince some friends to give me bulk discounts."

"A dick has the saddest life He is put in a dark room, banged againts the walls until it throws up and is unconcious"

"Do you want to hear the story about the broken pencil? No? Oh well. There's no point to it, anyway."

"How do you make music by releasing fish? You drop the bass."

"I don't think there will ever be an edible version of scrabble. And if there is, I'm going to have to eat my own words."

"If you have ever used one of those Hand Dryers in a bathroom, congratulations...you just did a portion of the Macarena....."

"Anyone else think they should limit Oscar acceptance speeches to 140 characters like Twitter?"

"Me: I must warn you, I'm like an animal in bed. Her: That's fine by me! *burrows under the covers and falls asleep at the foot of the bed*"

"How do bees go to school? They take the buzz"