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Joke of the Day

"I JUST CONSUMED SO MUCH SUGAR THAT I FEEL ALL SHOUTY IN MY HEAD AND CAPS LOCKY AND HOLY CRAP HOW DO PEOPLE DO ACTUAL DRUGS"

"""Haha nice"" = i would rather be dead than continue this conversation"

"Why does Stevie Wonder smile? Because he's better than you."

"All these jokes about small hands are getting lazy. And you know what they say about lazy jokes. Bad punch lines."

"What's the best thing to come out of a penis? The wrinkles. (Told to me by my mother)"

"Of course I can tweet, talk on the phone, eat a hamburger, and apply my lipstick. I'm only driving, you know."

"Q: What's the definition of a nerd? A: Someone who has his or her own alto clarinet."

"Iran is 3 billion dollars short of hiding a Nuclear program What can they do to get the money?"

"People who wait 3 hours to respond to a text ""LOL"" should be punched in the neck. Your not fooling anybody. You weren't LOLing that long."

"What's faster than the speed of light? The speed of *how fast my wife jumps to conclusions*"