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Joke of the Day

"Nsfw. My wife and I had not had sex in a couple months but this morning she woke up randy... He is our neighbor and said her music was up too loud. We still havent had sex."

"My dad installed new LED bulbs in his home. I started seeing him in a new light after that."

"Dumb and Nobody in class... Dumb: Teacher!! Teacher!! Nobody is bothering me. Teacher: Kid, are you dumb? Dumb: Yes."

"TIL of an incident during the Cold War when American ships, fearing a Soviet attack, nearly fired on a friendly vessel. Whoops, wrong sub."

"I have noticed that everyone who is for abortion, has already been born."

"If athletes get athlete's foot, what do astronauts get? mistletoe"

"If only the first rule of Vegan club Was not to talk about Vegan club"

"I'm trying to teach my toddler how to headbang but he's pissed because he wants a bottle. I told him to save that anger for the mosh pit."

"Fun prank... Make them study for 16 years and then don't give them jobs"

"On a scale of 1 to Canadian bacon, how sad were you when you found out Hamlet wasn't a story about a tiny, baby ham?"