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Joke of the Day

"Born too late to explore the earth, born too early to explore the Galaxy... ...born too ugly to explore a woman."

"What happens when a neckbeard takes drugs? They start tipping balls."

"This 14 yr old girl in the news that is being frozen cryogenically, her Mother wanted to comply with her wishes, but her Father didn't... Does he just have to let it go?.."

"Why can't a Mac sing? Because it's not Adele"

"If there is an opportunity for me to put my pants on backwards in the dark, I take it every time. Apparently."

"*Buys new iPhone* *Crosses road tweeting about it* *Accident* *Dies* *Makes entry in heaven* - Sent via iPhone."

"The psychology of a man who pays more than $50 for a pair of jeans is more impenetrable to me than that of Hitler."

"answer This is too all high school teacher, What is the worst thing that you've seen your student doing?"

"What does Imperator Furiosa like to click when she logs into a website? REMEMBER ME!!!!!!!!!!"

"You know you're getting old when your decision to sleep with someone is mostly based on the quality of their mattress and pillows."