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Joke of the Day

"like my grandfather did, i want to die peacefully in my sleep... ...not screaming and yelling like his passengers"

"Your life doesn't get better by chance. It gets better by choice."

"My period is late ."

"16 and Pregnant? How come I didn't get my own show when I was 16? ""16 and smart enough to use a rubber."""

"I like to tell people my wife was top of her class until she learned about drugs in college. She got her degree in pharmacy and was in the top 5 in her graduating class."

"People keep telling me I'm beautiful. What vivid imaginations some people have."

"Went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and I only spent $9,000.00"

"Do you have a turn down? Turn down for what?"

"How does a chicken do their hair? With a comb, In one fowl swoop."

"[me as a DJ] Where my single ladies at? *drunk responses* This one's for you *turns off music, serious tone* This is a bad place to meet men"