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Joke of the Day

"like my grandfather did, i want to die peacefully in my sleep... ...not screaming and yelling like his passengers"

"iPhone changed miles to milf's but the good news is my dad thinks I only have 177 left to go until I'm done."

"Why doesn't Mexico ever win any medals in the Olympics? Because everyone who can run, jump, or swim has already crossed the border."

"""And, Johnny? How did your school report turn out?"" asks mother. ""Come on mom, the most important thing is that I'm healthy!"""

"What do you call a vegetarian with diarrhea? A salad shooter"

"The worst analogy ever is like pudding."

"I bought some shoes from my drug dealer... But I don't think they were laced because I've been tripping all day."

"Why are black people so tall? Because they're negros. (Hah get it? Knee grows?)"

"How do we know God is not a woman? Because the Earth is not a sandwich!"

"The Nathan's hot dog eating contest should contain one poisoned hot dog mixed in with the other hot dogs"