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Joke of the Day

"I met a dyslexic Christian who was also a carpenter... Kind of weird meeting someone who believes in guardian angles."

"What do you call a disease that only effects ducks? A mallard-y"

"How does a Ethiopian show that they are rich? They wear a rolex watch around their waist."

"How much wood... ...could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck was Chuck Norris? *All of it.*"

"The president of a popular mail-order business just died. The funeral will be held in 3 - 5 business days."

"Q. Have you heard the latest scandal? A. Dr. Pepper was drunk at a party."

"Teacher: remember class, there are no stupid questions Me: *raises hand* Teacher: i just said, no stupid questions Me: *lowers hand*"

"It's weird how opposites attract, like red wine & a new shirt"

"Listen, you can keep retaking all the pictures you want but that's just what your face really looks like."

"[job interview] Look. First, you give me a job. Then I get paid. THEN I'll be able to buy pants. I can't just skip ahead to the last step."