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Joke of the Day
"How does a Ethiopian show that they are rich? They wear a rolex watch around their waist."
Next Joke
"When I have children I'm gonna make them watch the movie ""2012"" and tell them I survived that. #awesome"
"Why? How I answer every text when my friends with little kids ask me what I'm doing tonight Related - I never babysit"
"My wife left me because she said I had a drinking problem After she left I lost the urge to drink."
"Hear about that 70s date rape band? Cosby Pills Smash and Run"
"Pretty cool how the universe lets me know I'll be bumping into my ex by making me spill coffee on my shirt."
"Which political discussions between the Russians and Americans keenly interest Burger Land citizens? The SALT talks!"
"I hate scrubbing the floor It's beneath me."
"I had a debate with myself about masturbation... ... On one hand it's feels good. And on the other it feels great!"
"[solicitor reading my will] ""He [takes off glasses & pinches bridge of nose], He wants to donate his arm to the drummer from Def Leppard""."