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Joke of the Day

"There's nothing like finding a screw on the floor to make me wonder for the rest of the day about what's going to fall apart and kill me."

"What do Led Zeppelin and New Orleans have in common ""When the Levi breaks, we have no place to stay"""

"[INT. STARBUCKS - DAY] Me: Theres a large rat in the bathroom Barista: ? Me: A large rat Barista: ? Me: THERES A VENTI RAT IN THE BATHROOM"

"Me: No, you hang up first Pizza Hut: *click*"

"I asked a beautiful homeless girl if I could taker her home with me. She said, ""Yes!"" With a big smile... But that quickly changed when I walked away with the cardboard box that she lived in."

"The difference between ""Girlfriend"" and ""Girl Friend"" is that little space in between we call the ""Friend Zone""."

"So I made a Guardians of the Galaxy themed soft drink. I call it Groot beer."

"How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only two. One person holds the bulb and the other blonde twirls the other blonde around."

"What do you call a psychic dwarf running from the law? A small medium at large"

"I've always wanted to know how long ""forever"" was... and by looking at some peoples relationships its around 2 to 4 weeks."