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Joke of the Day

"Halloween ... The agoraphobic paedophiles favourite day of the year."

"I guess hookers are getting into the holiday spirit. I seen one today advertising pumpkin spice pussy."

"I can't hear you over the sound of how awesome I am. I've been single for a while and I have to say, it's going very well. Like...it's working out.I think I'm the one."

"I sincerely hope Trump does become President Because at least Australian Politics won't be the butt of every joke anymore. Sincerely, still a rather embarrassed Australian citizen."

"What's the difference between an insurance company and an asshole? If you shove money into an asshole at least you can expect to get shit back"

"*Burglar breaks into my room* *he looks around* *he softly wakes me up* Dude do you need some money or something? I'd be happy to help"

"Asked to switch seats. I wanted to switch seats on the plane last week because of a crying baby. The stewardess said no... just because it was my baby"

"Do you know what is heart warming? That even the most Orthodox Jew, and the cruelest of all the people of Al-Qaeda, will look for the same thing once they get down from a plane. A Synagogue."

"In the event of a zombie apocalypse, who's the first to lose his job? a necromancer"

"If your phone gets wet, put it in a bag of rice because maybe an Asian will come by and fix it."