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Joke of the Day

"WTF VAMPIRE BATS WILL VOMIT BLOOD INTO MOUTHS OF SICK BATS 2 KEEP THEM ALIVE THATS DOPE AF & STILL A BETTER LOVESTORY THAN TWILIGHT"

"When I die I really hope that as a ghost I can travel and not be stuck in one place. I have people to scare and some I want to see naked."

"what did the zombie say when he prank-called someone? ""deez gutz"""

"When God was handing out obstacles I thought he said popsicles and said I'll take one of each variety."

"Definition of a really good friend. What's the difference between a good friend and a really good friend? A good friend will help you move house A really good friend will help you move a body!"

"An Art Thief is Sitting in His Driveway... He didn't have any Monet, to buy Degas, to make his Van Gogh."

"Yeah, I carry a gun. You got to. You never know when some lunatic is going to come up and say ... ""you're fired."" (c) Dave Attell"

"I used to be schizophrenic. But we are ok now."

"It's me Goan Goan who?...... Goan fuck yourself"

"Plug your headphones into a banana. Everyone will leave you alone twice as much."