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Joke of the Day

"What do you call a German think tank? An answer panzer!"

"William Howard Taft was so fat... ...he sat in TWO branches of the federal government."

"Jealousy is something you're good at when you think you suck at everything."

"Why did the french guy not help his friend fix a pipe? He said he would assister."

"What do you call an English teacher who used to have anxiety? Past tense."

"[sinking ship] CAPTAIN: dammit RAT: i'm leaving CAPTAIN: i'm staying CAPTAIN'S GOLDFISH: [in fishbowl] i'm excited to see how this plays out"

"I entered a contest for short people, and lost. I guess I was overlooked."

"I was going to look for my missing watch. but I could never find the time."

"I've heard they are re-casting Two and a Half Men with 5 midgets."

"Ladies, don't waste your time picking up guys at Chuck E Cheese. Apparently they have a ""family"" & a ""wife"" & I'm ""ruining their dinner."""